Friday, 9 August 2019

Sat 10th Aug 2019 Gambled at William Hill/Roulette: Bet a fiver/won: £120/lost: £0.90p bal.

10:27 PM GAMBLED AT WILLIAM HILL PLAYING ROULETTE...WON: £39.80
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http://www.williamhill.co.uk

I deposited £5.00...; and, then, opted to play Roulette.


Previously, my William Hill a/c had a balance which said just under £2.00 left...I think, it was something like £1.80; but, now, my winning balance says: £39.80.

Altogether, I had suffered absolutely no losses at all...with 16 straight wins all in a row...!

MY FAVOURITE ROULETTE BET IS CHOOSE ALL 1 TO 30 NUMBERS/OF THE AVAILABLE 37 NUMBERS ON THE BOARD; WHICH, PRESUMABLY, SHOULD GIVE ME AN ODDS 'ADVANTAGE'...HAVING GONE AND COVERED ALMOST 5 x 6THS OF THE BOARD

My favourite bet is all the numbers: 1-30 @ 10p = £3.00 bet; then, I just kept on gradually increasing this stake bet...raising it up each time I won by a further 10p...until, eventually, my stake bet reached 1-30@50p = £15.00 bet...when that won...I added further 10p's on...until my stake bet reached 1-30@£1.00 = £30.00 bet...that last £30.00 bet won me £6.00 all in one single go/or, turn of the Roulette wheel.

THE 1-30 BET IF IT WINS...HAS A 1 x 5TH RETURN: MEANING, YOU NEED TO WIN 5 TIMES IN  ROW...IN ORDER TO DOUBLE YOUR MONEY

The great difficulty with the 1 x 5th bet...is at any time you could lose...and, that loosing would set you back an awful lot more than whenever you win.

For example, say I bet £3.00; then, if I win...I just won £3.60; then, I would need to bet another 4 times...in order to double my money; (5 x 6 = 30)/5 x 0.60p = £3.00.

But, if I were to lose £3.00 just once; then, I would have lost the whole lot altogether in just one single go.

EVEN WITH 5 x 6THS OF THE BOARD ALREADY COVERED...STILL ONE NEEDS TO BEAR IN MIND THAT THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A 'SURE' BET...?!

The truth is that gambling is a game based on entirely 'random' chance...so, the element of 'luck' always plays a part. What this actually means is...even if i were to bet on all 36 numbers of the Roulette board...leaving only one single number uncovered...which is: 0; there is no strict rule...that says any of my 36 numbers will actually win; it's possible that 0 could come up, repeatedly, again; and, again; and, again. So, even doubling up don't really help...?! The truth is, sometimes, you win/sometimes, you lose...; and, there is absolutely no getting around that plain and simple fact.

MY FAVOURITE GAME SETTINGS: MUTE/TURBO

I tend to choose Roulette game settings as being a combination of: 'Mute/Turbo'...then, I don't have to put up with, constantly, irritating musical noises/nor do I have to 'wait' to see the wheel spinning away...rather both winning/loosing happens, instantly, right away.)-

THE PROBLEM WITH BEING ON TOP...FORGETTING TO TAKE ALL OF THE MONEY AND RUN...; BUT, INSTEAD, CONSTANTLY WANTING TO STAY...HOPING TO WIN MORE AND MORE AND MORE

The only trouble with winning big is knowing exactly when to stop...I confess that I'm always 'tempted' to bet more and more and more...and, ultimately, in the long run...because the gambling odds are always dead set against your winning anything at all; especially, over a long term(nobody just wins endlessly again; and, again; and, again...without, at some point, losing; normally, what actually tends to happen is...one looses, repeatedly, again; and, again; and, again); thus, I had better decide to quit, right now...just take the money and run...instead, of staying there betting for higher and higher stakes...until when that very fatal loss comes along...and, before I know it...I've gone and lost absolutely everything!

THE PROBLEM WITH DOING WITHDRAWALS CAN BE EXPLAINED IN JUST TWO WORDS: 'GAMBLING ADDICTION'

Delayed winnings payment: Even if you were to choose to withdraw all of the money that you'd just gone and won...then, you're winnings aren't just paid immediately right back onto your debit card, straight away...; instead, you have to wait, maybe, one or two days...before the money returns back into your a/c.; which is time enough to give the 'addictive gambler' the urge to reverse the withdrawal monies...and, so continue gambling...until everything is lost.

The only time one can truly relax...is when the withdrawal has been made final(after 11PM)...so that you no longer have the chance to 'reverse the withdrawal' anymore.

But, then, again, even when the money hits your debit card a/c.; the 'addictive gambler' can still choose to re-deposit all those winnings...and, then, loose it all.

So, quite honestly, there is no really 'safe point' when it comes to doing gambling...; other than to not go gambling at all!

15:43 PM MY WILLIAM HILL BALANCE HAS NOW GROWN TO BECOME: £100.00

After the 16 all in a row wins...my good fortune started to fluctuate...with the balance going both up and down, unpredictably...a mixture of: winning/losing...; my current balance says: £100.00.


Again, I'm temped to continue doing gambling...which I know I should not...as, normally, I tend to stay and loose absolutely everything...coming away with nil balance/or, very nearly a nil balance.

Just to prove that this thing ain't 'easy'...and, that your balance can fall most incredibly quick...within the next spin...here I show you my previous balance has just been halved to become: £50.00...



And, here is my balance rising up once more...to become: £80.00...



...so, this thing is like being on a regular Roller Coaster ride...where absolutely nothing is 'certain'...?! Now, going all the way back down to reach just: £20.00...


...at this point I do feel totally sick, and, completely disgusted with myself. Did I really just have £100.00...which I decided to go throw all away...; and, do I really and truly want to throw any more money away on top of it...; or, should I stop gambling, right now, when I'm still ahead of the game...if only by a little bit? It feels like my whole entire world -(and, so many beautiful dreams: I could pay for this/I could pay for that)- have just come crashing down...! Gambling is the very Devil himself...don't trust him!

Continued doing some further gambling...; now, my balance says: £30.00...


...and, that is the problem with gambling; one never really knows when to stop...because if I had stopped earlier when I'd won just 0.60p...then, I would most certainly not have gained £100.00 in winnings; and, now, that I'm loosing...do I continue chasing after my losses...or, stop whilst I'm still ahead...before, I'm tempted to bet the lot: £30.00; and, if I lose...then, my balance will actually say, exactly: 0.00...; boy, what a dreadful way to come away from the Roulette table...when you were being so successful at one point!

Well, against my better judgement, I just went and bet £30.00...


...and, guess what, it won! I now have £36.00 left...


Once again, the constant question I have to keep on asking myself is...do I quit...or, still continue...? And, frankly, it's sheer torture...never quite knowing exactly what is either the right/or, wrong answer; because I'm NOT God...and, therefore, can't claim to be able to see into the future.

Gambling is a very nasty game, indeed...as you never know if you're coming/or, going...I feel ashamed having to go play it...but, at the same time, I admit...I'm 'addicted' to the sheer thrill, most unfortunately. Whenever I bet by going 'all in'...both my heartbeat/breathing totally seems to 'stop'...; as I await seeing exactly what the outcome will be...? The feeling is that "I'm living on the absolute edge"...and, this feeling is so extremely exciting...that I don't wish to ever come off being on 'edge'; but, it's also something that wears your nerves down an awful damn lot.

Anyway, I still continued gambling...doing another £30.00 bet...which won, fortunately; right now, I'm winning by £42.00.


I'm thinking to myself...I started off this morning by winning around £40.00; so, why don't I just stop right here. After all, it's far better to take something away from the table...; than it is to take nothing; and, is it really worthwhile going through taking another Roller Coaster ride...not knowing what the hell is going to happen, next...?

Another part of me is thinking...I need to chase down the £100.00 I just went and lost; but, then, I also know that chasing after your losses...is a damn good way to end up with absolutely nothing left...not even one single penny.

The Devil is 'tempting' me still...; I went and gambled another £30.00 which won...; my current balance says: £50.00.


Perhaps, with 1/2 a hundred pounds; I should come away, now; after all, I started with just £5.00; and, so, I've made 1000% gain...which is 10 times £5.00. However, 'temptation' for an 'addictive gambler' is something that never ever goes away...no matter how much you do either win/lose; you will still wish to continue doing gambling...it's like you were 'chained' to it...quite truly, you've become gambling's own slave! The only time to stop...is when you're totally flat broke; and, therefore, can't afford to gamble no more.

One more £30.00 bet...now, my balance says: £56.00.


Right now, both my eyes are killing me with feeling pain...I been staring at the monitor screen so damn hard -(without blinking/or, looking away)- that it actually hurts! Time for me to go take a 'quick' break...; then, come back; and, maybe, continue gambling.

Well, I said I would stop to go take a 'quick' break; but, in fact, I did not. Instead, I just continued gambling...without stopping to post pics...right now my balance says: £100.40. I guess, gambling teaches you not to have breaks...because you're too 'addicted' to really wish to stop. Well, they do say that 'money is the root of all evil', I guess.


Again, there's the difficult question...where do you stop...do I stop when my balance says £200.../or, keep going until it says 300/400/500+; or, do I simply stop, now...before I go down another Roller Coaster loosing streak...?! Frankly, there is no really and truly easy answer to that...; as I just don't know what is likely to happen, next. I know what I 'wish' to happen...but, then, it hardly ever does.

Another thing that's been going through my mind is...I did a £30.00 bet/a £60.00 bet/I haven't yet tried doing a £90.00 bet...but, then, should I even try...and, what if it looses? It was so damn hard just trying to make £100.00; took me hours and hours long. Is it worth throwing away £100.00, again...?

I can't believe it...I just made a £90.00 bet...


...and, it won...my balance now says: £118.40. But, then, how long will my balance remain that way...will I loose it all, again...by continuing to gamble still...?!


I went and bet far too high...£48.00/and, made the same bet, twice...and, twice it lost. After doing some further gambling; and, loosing...my balance now says just: £0.90p. At this point, I quit.



Frankly, this end result, is rather deeply depressing...especially, when I think I was winning £120.00 up at one point. However, at least, now I can go off to sleep; instead, of remaining up all night long. The time is: 01:02...; or, 2 minutes past 1 AM very early morning.

GAMBLING AS 'A JOB'/OR, FORM OF 'INVESTMENT'...IS A TOTALLY MAD IDEA

I once had the idea to treat gambling like 'investing in shares'...where one divides up one's overall total investment into being a number of 'fixed' money shares. So, for example, if you have £100.00 to invest...then, you would break this amount up into being 10 x £10.00 notes; and, then, gamble just £10.00 at a time. The advantage of playing this way...is you won't loose the whole damn lot all in one single go; and, if you do find yourself loosing, continually; then, at any point, you can stop...before all of the money is gone.

I even decided to set a 'stop loss' win/lose limit...so, in this way, I don't end up getting far too greedy...and, by chasing far too hard end up loosing all of my winnings; and, if I were to start loosing...again, I wouldn't just loose everything...but, would still have some part of the £10.00 share left. My stop limit was set at £2.50 win/or, -£2.50 loose. So, if I were to win say £12.50...then, I would stop; and, start investing the next £10.00. Or, if my loosing total were to reach: £7.50...then, I would stop..again, not having to go loose it all.

-(So, that if even the worst was to come to the worst; I would have lost £75.00...no more than that...out of the full £100; that is, if I were to stuik to the 'strict' rules.)-

The reality was, though...many times I went and overdid it when winning(continued gambling when I'd already won more than £2.50+); and, many times I overdid it when loosing(continued gambling when losing more than -£2.50); so, I found that sticking to any 'fixed limits' was really difficult...if not just about impossible to do...?!

Overall, I still ended up loosing a great deal...; certainly, I lost more than I ever did win. Like say, I might end up winning just £5.00/whilst having gone and lost £95.00; and, the reason why that is...is gambling is just utterly unpredictable...?! You have to bet 'high'...in order to win 'big'; and, low wins don't really count.

That's when I decided that, really and truly, doing gambling as a form of 'job' doesn't really work; as the income is far too utterly unpredictable...if you, usually, end up losing...then, at the end of the day, you ain't bringing no money in at all; instead, it's all going out...!

THE REAL PROBLEM WITH GAMBLING: IT CAN VERY EASILY LEAD TO LIFETIME LONG 'ADDICTION'

The real difficulty with gambling...is, eventually, you can end up 'crossing the totally invisible line'...where you find yourself having been caught up in an 'addiction'...which you can never get out of ever again...not for all the rest of your entire lifetime to come.

If one were to lose and lose and lose, endlessly; then, of course, one wouldn't gamble anymore.

The problem is when you end up winning really 'big'. Let us take today, for example...I started off with just £5.00...and, ended up winning £55.00+. Now, quite unlike investing money in a bank...which offers you 1/2/3% interest per year...; this is a hell of a lot more than that...I mean, 1000% gain!

Plus, it's a hell of lot quicker to make those gains, too...the gain is done all in 'one' same day...you did not have to wait a whole entire year; maybe, the gain happens in a few hours/minutes/or, even, just merely seconds...when with just 'one' spin of the Roulette wheel you would have 'doubled' your money or more.

Now, if you are a person who likes living in the really 'fast' lane...and, absolutely hates working/commuting/dressing up/taking orders all day long from others...; having to do deal with people who are total strangers; then, gambling is the 'ideal' type of lifestyle that will, very easily, tempt you...to the point that you don't want to stop.

I can stay inside of my own home...gamble...using the phone/desktop computer/iPad(while still remaining in bed)/even, TV/-etc.; I don't need to dress up/or, commute backwards/and, forwards anywhere...; I don't need to deal with work colleagues who can't stand me/and, who I can't stand...; I don't need to take orders from a boss who I do absolutely 'hate!' 

So, in the end, gambling can be a really tough cookie to beat; once, it's gone and become a regular part of your lifestyle...; or, worse, you rely on it as being the one and only way to make money...as you find it next to impossible to get any other form of job...due to lack of previous experience/references/-etc.

In that sense, I do both 'love/hate' gambling; and, yes, I do fully admit I have 'stepped over the line' into addiction; and, have ended up, repeatedly, going to GA/Gamblers Anonymous...year in/year out for decades.

Perhaps, the most truly shocking thing is...the amount of money I've gone and lost...compared to all that I went and won...the ratio must be something like: 100 to 1. Or, to put that another way...for every 'gold watch' I went and won....I lost 99 of them, at least! That's mainly because even when you win...because the 'addiction' won't let you stop...you tend to gamble on...until you've gone and lost all of your winnings/as well as, you stake bet...thus, leaving you with absolutely nothing!

In short, today, I won £50.00+. Over the years/decades, however, I'd say I'd lost over 100+ grand(and, that's no kidding...it really and truly makes me feel 'sick' when I think about it in that totally open and 'honest' way; then, I feel 'bitter and sad' as hell...no matter how much I win; inside, gambling has me crying...not smiling at all)!

You just can't see money the same ever, again...to you, £5.00 is no longer £5.00; £10.00 is no longer £10.00; £100.00 is no longer £100.00/-etc....instead, it's all become just merely Monopoly money, now...; something you can double/triple/quadruple...and, all in a single day. In the end, you don't trust yourself with having or handling money, anymore; because you realise you are caught up in a no win 'gambling trap'.

Added to which, we are living in a materialistic minded type of society...where everywhere you look there are adverts...advertising you should buy either this or that....usually, stuff you can't actually afford(iPad Pro with drawing pencil/or, a Mac desktop computer/-etc.; truly, my ambition to buy things has neither beginning/nor any end to it)! Down to even a 'toothbrush/toothpaste'/or, 'toilet rolls' cost money; and, absolutely nothing is for FREE. When you are 'unemployed' it's even far worse...as you feel you are living for little more than just to go pay bills, bills, BILLS...; how on earth can you pay a £40.00+ bill when you have just £10.00 left inside of your coat pocket...the straight forwards, quick and easy answer is to go gambling, of course!

There are days when I find myself living in a total gambling 'haze'...doing nothing else but gambling from morning through till night...the only thing that makes me stop...is when I find myself having gone totally flat broke...and, therefore, can't afford to do another bet...because my balance is so low/or, many times, the balance says absolutely, nil!

GAMBLING APPEARS TO BE 'FIXED' IN THAT...WHEN YOU BET LOW YOU CAN EASILY DOUBLE YOUR MONEY...HOWEVER, WHEN YOU BET BIG THAT'S ALMOST INVARIABLY WHEN YOU LOOSE
I found that when I bet say 0.10p/or, even £1.00...it was fairly easy to go double/triple/quadruple/-etc. my money. However, almost invariably, when I bet high...that was when all of the money was lost, immediately.

So, if I bet £5.00 it might win; but, if I ever tried betting say, £500.00...then, immediately, it's all gone!

For me, that was what was most truly scary, and, indeed, completely shocking about gambling...; which is why I tried to stay off betting really high stakes as much as is possible. The contrast, though, is when you bet for low stakes...then, you come away feeling you've hardly won anything! Furthermore, it takes an awful lot of low stake wins...to make up one big win; with the law being the longer you stay there betting for...then, the more likely you are going to run into a 'loosing streak' at some point.

MY ADDICTION IS SUCH THAT EVEN WHEN I'M TOTALLY FLAT BROKE...I WILL STILL CONTINUE GAMBLING...USING FREE PLAY MONEY CHIPS, INSTEAD

https://apps.facebook.com/texas_holdem

...and, I might even choose to 'waste' the whole entire day/night long...playing FREE gambling games...where the chips ain't actually worth nothing.

Of course, participating in these FREE gambling games...also, encourages me to do gambling for 'real' money, instead; that is, whenever I can get my hands on some real money, eventually.

GAMBLING ABSTINENCE

For me the urge to gamble is something I need to do every now and then...I need to have my gambling 'fix'. I might be able to stop for a short time, possibly, say a day/a few days/a week/possibly, a month (though, I don't think I ever went that long without doing it...not after having become fully 'addicted')...; but, eventually, I feel I must do some.

Once, I've done it, however; and, gotten the urge out of my system for a while; then, I can go off and do something else; concentrate on learning programming/practising keep fit/do art/read/write/-etc.

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