6:40 PM CALLED MUM'S DOCTOR FOR IN HOME ASSESSMENT
I called my mum's doctor at Hardel Rise, Tulse Hill. I asked for her usual doctor: Dr. Turner; however, they said she is away on 2 weeks holiday; therefore, they will tell Dr. Henna to call me back within half-an-hour's time.
7 PM DR. HENNA RETURNED MY PHONE CALL
Dr. Henna phoned me back...; I explained to her that I am my mum's only son/my age is, 56; and, she is 93 years old.
She used to go out, and, do some shopping...though, on really unsteady legs...using her shopping basket for balance.
Later on, around the beginning of this year 2019...she had a serious fall inside of the back garden...I had to pick her up; and, take her safely into bed....which is when she stopped going out to go and do shopping, anymore; instead, I went out and did all of the shopping for her.
She would, however, go down one flight of stairs to access both the kitchen/bathroom...to either prepare/cook food/or else, wash.
Eventually, she stopped going downstairs...; and, then, would just simply stay in bed. I would bring her both food/drink in bed; and, she would when done...get up to access a pan kept at the side of the bed; then, afterwards, I would go and empty it; then, she would immediately return straight back into bed.
The reason why I had called, was because she is currently having difficulty eating/drinking/moving. Sometimes, she refuses to eat/drink...because she can't get up/stand up to access the pan at the bed side. When she does get up to access it...I have to be there to help...in order to stop her falling over...and, possibly, break something...because her body is so weak.
I'm also really worried that she can't move...not even to turn over in bed; instead, I have to help turn her.
If you don't use your body...arms/legs...then, eventually, everything seizes up...and, then, you find you just 'cannot move'...?!
-(I could tell her to exercise 200 times per day...and, she just simply completely ignores me; I would like to move her limbs myself...in order to help her exercise...; but, whenever I do that she says it's causing her 'pain'...so, I stop, immediately....worrying that I might be making her condition far worse instead of better.)-
It also worries me that I might be doing something wrong...as I'm not a professional medical person.
Anyway, in conclusion the Dr. said she would come and visit us at 1:30 PM tomorrow.
CONCLUSION
For me, this is a very sad day, indeed..; we seem to have reached the point of no turning back...
The honest truth is, screw the doctors, as long as my mum can still move/eat/drink...then, I would be only far too happy to help her...and, keep her near.
However, when she cannot move/eat/drink...; then, I feel I have no other choice but to go and seek some outside help.
I feel that the outside help is bound to say she must go into hospital; which is exactly where my mum does not want to go; as she warns me, continually, non-stop...if she ever goes in there -(she said the same thing at the beginning of the year when she fell down on concrete inside of the garden)- then, she doesn't believe she will come back out, 'alive', anymore. As a result, my mum is truly deathly afraid of going into hospital; and, I in turn have been extremely unwilling to send her there; because I'm an only child...therefore, I have nobody else who is so close.
The reason why I've decided to call the doctor in is...what if...
> I were to try and move her...turn her over in bed...to reach a more comfortable position; and, she has a sudden heart attack...due to blood pressure/not able to take sudden movements. If you're not exercising, regularly; then, your heart is vulnerable to any sudden stress.
> She were to simply die in her sleep in bed...; then, I would say quite guiltily to myself...I should have gotten help for her far sooner...and, then, she would have lived possibly a little bit longer.
> I went out shopping; and, she decided to stand up to use the bed side pan; and, suffered a serious fall...banging her head against something really hard/or else, breaking bone/(s). I wouldn't even know about it until when I had returned home.
-(One incident, I recall, she fell at the bottom of the back garden...I had gone out to 'sign on' at Streatham job centre. When I returned straight back, I was amazed that I couldn't find my mum anywhere; then, when I looked outside of the garden door...there she was on her back...struggling in the dirt to get up...? Later on, I asked her, 'how long were you out there for after having fallen down?' She said, half-an-hour. I felt totally shocked! So, now-a-days, whenever I go outside...I'm always in a hurry to 'rush' back home...to ascertain exactly how is my mum doing...unless I see her, I really don't know?)-
> The other point is...the lay person can see a person on the outside...and, to them they may look perfectly normal; but, only a medical expert can tell exactly what's wrong...do they have cancer? Do they have low blood pressure? Do they have something else.../-etc.
-> What I myself, as a lay person can see is...my mum is getting considerably weaker and weaker...all because she is eating/drinking/moving far less. -(NOTE: I cannot 'force' her to eat/drink/move if she really doesn't want to...!)- Going at this rate, I cannot see her getting more strong. It's like I'm fighting a losing battle every single day...; which makes me feel rather deeply depressed.
In fact, I can see judging by her face/eyes/emaciated body that's, obviously, 'wasting' away.../-etc. that she might actually die in bed. I'm really not sure if that's the best way to go...maybe, she herself might want that; but, me, I'd much prefer that she seeks proper medical help, first; before dying. If they can do/find anything to help her live longer...; then, so be it. Myself, I feel totally and completely helpless, and, unlearned in being able to help the old.
I did try educating myself by going over to YouTube...and, watching videos teaching about Alzheimers/Dementia/-etc. One or more of those movies said...sometimes, their condition grows steadily worse and worse...their brain shinks -(I cannot talk to/or, reason with my mum easily anymore; instead, she just merely answers by screaming at me...her attention span is really low...she's hard of hearing/I have to write things down...and, many times, she refuses to read it/or, will read once, twice, thrice...and, then, stop)...and, eventually, their body locks up...they, stop eating/drinking...and, do eventually, die. All of that scenario is exactly what I seem to be witnessing, right now.
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Here's something else I have to say...I have not told my mum so far that the doctor is coming, tomorrow...instead, I feel I might leave that news only until when tomorrow morning arrives. If I tell her before, then...I don't believe she will let me get to sleep; and, I desperately need some precious rest. It's sneaky, I know...but, if a person is adamant they do not wish to see doctors/or, hospital...then, is there really any further point arguing....because I know exactly what they are going to say...long before they've even said it. It's going to seem to her like a 'total betrayal'; and, that part makes me feel really bad; but, I'm doing it with her well being in mind...and, certainly, not my own.
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