Wed 040919 Didn't go out...stayed in. Sunil phone call: BJJ on Monday./Amazon: USB rechargeable hand held torch.

5 PM PHONE CALL FROM SUNNIL

I received a phone call from my Krav Maga instructor friend: Sunnil. He mentioned that they were having BJJ/Brazillian Ju Jitsu classes in Clapham Common. It was £40.00 for 1 lesson per week/£50.00 for two/and, £70.00 a month for unlimited. I think, he mentioned 4 days(though, forgot which) for unlimited.

I told him that, right now, today...I'm staying in because I have to await Amazon.co.uk to deliver a parcel in the evening between: 6 PM -10 PM. So, maybe, next week...; he said, he'll keep in touch.

6-8 PM STAYED IN WAITING TO RECEIVE A PARCEL: ONE HAND HELD USB RECHARGEABLE LAMP

I ordered from off Amazon web site a USB rechargeable lamp from off...

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B01N9Q9BRQ/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

...costing £35.99. They said they would deliver it between 6 PM - 10 PM. It actually arrived on the doorstep somewhere between 7-8 PM.

It was easy enough to charge(5 hours); and, set up/use.

Overall, I'm really happy with it(don't have to keep on buying any new batteries/or, even, rechargeable batteries); but, there are still many other options I would like to buy/try.

CONCLUSION

I don't think Sunnil understands that I'm really not the same person I was before. 

Quite truly, circumstances have changed...both money wise; and, also, mentally/physically...; I'm seriously strapped for 'cash'...living right 'on the edge'; and, therefore, cannot 'afford' to take expensive martial arts lessons, anymore; nevermind, due to feelings of depression...I haven't been exercising, properly...so, neither my body/mind is really up to doing any serious 'keep fit' training. I have so many other problems to have to worry about, instead. The only real hope I can see is if I could find a job that 'pays'...whether it's a job I do truly want to do/or, not.

Yes, I might spend say £10 - £50.00 here and there...; but, these are desperate measures. It's my own way of fighting against 'reality/truth'...if I have my last penny left...I will go and spend it...just in order to pretend that everything is ok...when, of course, it's not. It's like inside of my mind, I've been 'living a lie'.

The honest truth is, I'm totally flat broke...; I need at least multiple thousands of pounds in order to be able to fix up the house/with ceiling falling down/and, floors needing to be patched up here and there/windows broken/-etc. I feel I'm living nothing else but a constant and endless 'worry'...?!