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4 AM WOKE UP TO A BAD DREAM
I dreamt that some distant family member had called me over the phone...J, I think; and they asked me if I cared about them? To which I replied, I cared about all of the family members. Now, that was a bit of a weird question to ask...; but, I'm not sure if I remember the rest of the dream that had gone on before...?
-(They say dreams that you don't remember particularly well...are not serious.)-
Later on, I dreamed that both me and my mum were living at Beckett House (where we used to live before)...; and, there was a fish tank which we kept downstairs...near the window...which had inside a mixture of both fish/snakes. -(I have kept goldfish in the past.../but, certainly not any snakes.)- Then, my mum went to feed the fish by moving the sheet of glass on top. I started thinking...if she did not remember to replace that sheet of glass, correctly...; then, that would mean that these deadly snakes -(I think, it was 4)- would be allowed to escape; and, sure enough, that's exactly what happened, next. One /or, two snakes crawled out...; and, started running around free straight off into the adjacent living room/-etc. It was at that point -(totally 'scared' to death...?!)- when I, suddenly, woke up.
Of late, I notice I seem to have been having a lot of 'bad' dreams...; and, I'm trying to think why. There could be many reasons...
- Low funds...(all of my savings money is fast running out, completely...I really don't know what the hell I'm going to do when all that money is gone...?! Because, I rely on it to help whenever I can't pay the bills.)
- There remains a 'grave stone' to pay for...; but, because I'm so totally flat broke...it's just not been possible to address that problem.
- The house roof is threatening to completely collapse under heavy rains. Luckily, right now, we are having sunny weather; but, that kind of situation ain't going to last too long...in nearly always rainy England. The problem there is...I have no money to go and pay to fix the roof...?!
- I am constantly having to struggle with financial problems...; right now, both the internet/phone bill still hasn't been paid for this month...which is around £40.00 owing to TalkTalk company; and, my current a/c. balance says, nil...?! (I cannot live without the internet...which I use to both communicate/pay bills/study and learn/interact with others through Social Media a/c's/-etc. So, I need it to be up and running, constantly, all the time.)
- There are certain family members who I haven't felt particularly close to. Not because I have anything at all against them...; but, quite simply, because we hardly ever get to interact with one another. This kind of situation breeds a sense of 'distrust'.
- I am totally estranged from all of the family members who I grew up with...living inside of the same house. We don't talk/or, communicate together in any way. If we saw one another on the streets...we'd just keep on walking...pretending not to notice/or, possibly, worse...we could end up in a serious argument/fight. So, therefore, I much prefer to stay the hell away. As far as I'm concerned I haven't done them anything wrong; but, they are jealous that I inherited the family house, and, NOT they.
At the moment, I'm suffering from some serious health issues...after falling off my bike and hurting my left arm...which I used to catch me from falling. Apparently, not only is the left arm deeply affected; but, so, is the right. This is because the work that the left arm should do...is, now, being done by the right. A physiotherapist sent me through an email some exercises to do...; -which I still haven't done, yet...?!-; but, otherwise, I've had no 'hands on' physiotherapy done...not since the accident which happened last year...6th August 2022; and, now, that date is...11th June 2023. That's an awful long time to go without getting any proper treatment, yet.
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12:50 DREW MY OWN SELF-PORTRAIT FROM MEMORY
After having awoken to a 'nightmare'...; eventually, still feeling rather tired...I went back to sleep.
I woke some time after midday...; and, one of the first things I did was to draw my own self-portrait. I drew it in bed using the iPad Air 2/Zen Brush app/and, my finger to draw with.
I think, it's not too bad a self-portrait...considering that it is being drawn purely from memory, alone.
My own guess is, if you practice drawing yourself many times...I must have done, quite literally, 100's of self-portraits...; then, it's really pretty easy to be able to draw yourself...without actually needing to go look into the mirror, anymore; as you already know what your main features are.
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